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Day 105

48 years of "Psycho" then nothing but silence & calm...

Imagine experiencing non-stop stress and feeling like your life never allows you a single moment of peace. Imagine not being able to relate to others when they describe their quiet, relaxing weekends. Imagine every minute of the day having a conscience that tells you that you're not accomplishing enough to survive in this world. Imagine waking up every morning racing with sweat to be out the door for work on time, and on the worst days yelling and screaming because you are too stressed to deal with the full day. Imagine not sleeping the night before any significant event at work because you can't stop worrying that your performance won't be perfect.

Now, after 48 years of this, it's all gone and nothing but quiet, calm peace because of medications.

I'm overwhelmed with confusion, sadness, and happiness. But, this is ALL foreign to me. NOW, I feel like I'm living the life of a peaceful, boring librarian or something. All of a sudden, it's almost too peaceful.

Thank you meds.

Hide Comments (6)

  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    6 months ago

    Do not go off your meds; let your body and mind heal, and don't allow yourself to feel "bad" because it's so quiet in there. It's what most people feel (when they're not tethered to their electronic devices, at least.) Now's the time to go out and take long walks in wild places and appreciate them for the first time....

    Advice Rating:

  • SpreadZero SpreadZero
    6 months ago

    Experiencing what most people feel is an amazing thing. I am overwhelmed with sadness that most of my life I suffered through this. The medications make me not care about anything anymore.

    I check social media but usually scroll through fast and never comment or post on anything now. I simply do NOT care what anyone is doing or commenting on. I don't care about family. I don't care about friends. I could easily sit on the grass and take a nap in the sunshine without stress for the first time in my life.

    Unfortunately, my family is accusing me of being recluse, even though they're 90% of all problems. And, my significant other still wants to socialize with others and attend social events and gatherings.

    I want to (finally) stay home and be bored for once in my life.

    Advice Rating:

  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    6 months ago

    Go for it! Boredom is soooo underrated - we've gone from FOMO ("Fear of Missing Out") to WGAFF ("Who Gives A Flying Fuck.")

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  • SpreadZero SpreadZero
    6 months ago

    I think the bipolar meds are working well for most anxiety, but it's causing a bit of silent depression. I'm mostly tired and NOT interested in anything or anyone's BS. I'm not sure if the "new care free me" is anything more than unbalanced anxiety/depression. I think they need to adjust the amount, as this week has been nothing but head down facing the floor essentially wanting to sleep or die.

    Advice Rating:

  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    5 months ago

    Shit, yeah. But that's the thing with these meds: you have to titrate them to the correct balance... it may take some time to get it all fine tuned. Hang in there!

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  • SpreadZero SpreadZero
    5 months ago

    I'm certainly at the WGAFF stage now :)

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