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Day 276

A love that kills

Ma is unravelling.These days she never voices an opinion or desire. Dad will do what he wants. She is ever annihilating herself for him. Her love for him is destroying her. Has been all her life. But tonight she seemed undone.

They are coming here on Thursday but she made it clear on the phone that she would find it far too stressful to come out to us. I suggested I come to see them instead. She became confused. I had forgotten something when I last saw them - could I take their books, and then their files. She said she was all mixed up. Viciously, she said through gritted teeth she didn't want to go to Scotland. They are due to go up there to stay next week. Every time she has to move from London to Scotland or from Scotland to London she says with all her heart how much she wants to stay in one place. Every time Dad ignores her. He is most insistent this time because he sees this may be the last journey he makes. He has always wanted to die in Scotland, the land of his birth.

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