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Day 3

Answer my question, please....

I've been together with my girlfriend for 2+ years and I adore her quite much, and I know she feels the same way about me. We get along pretty well (for the most part), the sex is good (albeit not often enough), and there's no reason to question our relationship.

But here's the problem: her adult son. He's a pretty responsible kid who is going to school part time while working, and he's mostly okay. Except when he's not. He has been identified with an anxiety disorder, and although he knows his life would be better if he gets treated for it, he won't.

During the past year my lovely GF has developed this kind of co-dependent relationship. He freaks out, she rushes in to try to help him, he refuses to accept the help, gets past whatever is freaking him out, and then life goes on. This happens almost every week.

I've tried to help; I've given my gf information on agencies that will help her, and she takes zero action to get help for her son. She doesn't have to fix it immediately, but she must start trying. I'm ready to give her an ultimatum: get help or we're through. You?

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  • Plume de nom Plume de nom
    11 days ago

    Seems to me that you're already through. If you're considering ultimatums, then even if she gets the help then it is likely that you'll have resentment simmering away in your relationship.

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  • CongenitalWriter CongenitalWriter
    11 days ago

    I do, but I'm willing to set it aside IF she gets the help. I've helped her locate therapists, I've even offered to go to a support group with her. But I can't sit by and watch her son run her life. She's got to take action and she's got to take it NOW.

  • Tammie Tammie
    9 days ago

    Maybe the son doesn't realise what affect he is having on her life. And maybe she's in a bit of denial and that's why she's refusing the help. Us Mams, like to try our best to help the people we love. And sometimes accepting help feels like failure. Xx

    Advice Rating:

  • Tammie - the son has been to doctors and knows exactly what the diagnosis is. He even brags about it: "Oh, isn't it great I have this mental illness, so I can act so crazy." Mom comes from a culture where they would rather suffer than take advantage of the resources that we have in our town. Read my new post....

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