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Day 117

Been feeling ok for couple weeks, but this morning not

I thought the bipolar meds were progressing and solving my issues. But, this morning I was right back to hating life again. My meds haven't changed at all. Nothing happened last night that would change anything. I just woke up through with everything, as I was before taking any meds. I'm thinking all of this effort is a futile. I'm just going to have to deal with a mental disorder until I die.

The worst part is trying to explain to anyone how depression is NOT sadness. I can't just "chin up" and life becomes better. The anxiety is such that I can never relax. I'm always worrying about absolutely everything for no reason. I'm always trying harder and faster only to result in feeling lower than before any of my efforts. I'm extremely sensitive (like a crybaby even) at most of what others say. It seems that everyone in the US is more insensitive than ever. I wish I had a machine gun during work commutes to kill every last unkind person in a vehicle.

Nobody gives a crud about anyone anymore. But, WOW, I should shut the hell up and just "CHEER UP"...

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  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    4 months ago

    People don't understand that there is clinical depression and emotional depression, and they are completely different things. I know this from when my younger sister went through postpartum depression, and our older sister tried to cheer her up and got nowhere. I hope your medical care personnel can help you heal and that you find ways to cope with your depression.

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