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Day 9

Beyond help ....

I know the answers ... I know I'm being stupid even giving him the time of day ...but omg I miss him
I am risking D - but honestly I feel rushed into everything with D and I'm doing that whole thing of looking for reasons- but would I be like this if all was right , if I was ready
the responsibility of possibly hurting someone - that's what's killing me
What do I really want - honestly ... space ... I need space

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  • pureandsimple pureandsimple
    31 months ago

    This is what I did once upon a time. I created a new document in MS Word and drew a table with 3 columns. Col A has a list of attributes I want in a guy (both short-term and long-term), Col B and Col C represent each guy. You must be honest with yourself and search real hard in your memory bank. You write down examples of how each guy meet your criteria. The criteria I used were really simple: Communicator, Verbal Intimacy, Education/Self-Advancement, Excitment, Patience, Conflict Resolver, Self-Confident etc. You list out yours. After I did that, it was a no-brainer for me. It was clear to me I fell for the wrong guy because of his excellent verbal banter which is a turn-on for me.

  • pureandsimple pureandsimple
    31 months ago

    Oh my other key characters include Kindness/Respect, Loyal, Family Life (it depends if you're seeking a husband at this stage!), social living, spirituality, sexuality etc. Oh yeah, my table filled up 3 pages haha

  • Beautiful Disaster Beautiful Disaster
    31 months ago

    "Space" is such a weird, complicated ingredient in relationships.But realistically what is wrong with asking for space in real life . its something we are all entitled to .Maybe the good relationships are the ones in which both partners have worked out how to give each other space, time alone.

    Ask for me time rather than space, it may help them feel less inferior or stop them thinking they are a problem . We all want space, i used to love being in my bedroom on a sunday afternoon with my smash hits magazine , the charts on the radio and my hairbrush (microphne) in my hand as a sung into the mrror, doesnt mean i loved my family sat downstairs any less , just means i wanted my own space to develop. That shouldnt have to stop just because we have a partner, or a potential partner, its a natural part of learning who we are ...ASK FOR IT , you are entitled, and if its early days , they is nothing stopping you just doing as you please, if he is meant for you he will not ass you by ...SIMPLES as they say x

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  • Rosie Rosie
    31 months ago

    Thank you both .... Excellent advice and I will definitely take it.

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  • Rosie Rosie
    31 months ago

    It's just me and my children and we are about to move I can finally afford something bigger and D wants to move in ... it's only been 8 months and he has only just started his divorce !!
    I've worked so hard and I want to finally enjoy that and go skiing - but he is a Sun person and paying off so much debt and wife that can no way afford it - he moves in and I can't do that as I can't afford for us all ... sounds selfish I know but I've worked so hard for so long - now to not have my dreams is heart breaking

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  • Rosie Rosie
    31 months ago

    That's just one thing of many .... he has stopped making an effort - no contacts but glasses - which is ok sometimes but all the time? .... does not shave unless for work ... talks about his wife and divorce all the time !!!!

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  • Beautiful Disaster Beautiful Disaster
    31 months ago

    Get rid x

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  • Rosie Rosie
    31 months ago

    I'm finding I'm not excited by him now - we are like an old married couple after 8 months .... but everyone loves him, family , friends, children, etc etc

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  • Beautiful Disaster Beautiful Disaster
    31 months ago

    He doesn't want space he is comfortable , fulfilled, and in time will be bored and look to start again , if he was happy and loving life as he should be since he has just got a new lease , he would still be making effort , you sound like you are worth so much more x

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  • Rosie Rosie
    31 months ago

    My ex - since our split 10months ago has always tried to get me back - he is exciting and treated me an the children wonderfully but after he left the army became angry and verbally bullied my son - that was it he was out ! But he says all the right things .... even so - I was so angry with him and still am. I know he hates himself for it and my son actually misses him as they did get on most of the time ... but ....

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  • Rosie Rosie
    31 months ago

    I need me time and a lot of paper and a pencil ;-)

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  • Beautiful Disaster Beautiful Disaster
    31 months ago

    You will work out the answers, you writing indicates you already know, maybe its reassurance you seek , but truth is what you have to do you will do x

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  • Rosie Rosie
    31 months ago

    I hate feeling like this .... when does life stop teaching us lessons? I'm so done ! :-(

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  • Beautiful Disaster Beautiful Disaster
    31 months ago

    Unfortunately the world doesn't stop so we can get off, so we have to go with the lessons, they are all worth it in the end x

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  • Rosie Rosie
    31 months ago

    Xxx xxx

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  • Beautiful Disaster Beautiful Disaster
    31 months ago

    :-) x

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