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Cancer I HATE YOU !!!!! ..Dreaming of Mum x

I guess nobody told cancer that my mum was THE GREATEST. That she was the most balanced , wisest human I've ever had the pleasure to be around, committed to generosity and helping others, and who ran circles around all of us until well into her illness. I wish somebody had given cancer a heads-up, I hadn't had a chance to tell mum all i wanted her to know? Did cancer skip the meeting where I specifically said I wanted her as a big part of my own grandchildren's lives?

It wouldn't have made any odds. Cancer killed Mum, and many others along its way , and it'll probably kill me one of these days, and it doesn't give a #### whether we're nice , mean , boring or pretty or if our families need us. It just takes stuff away, indiscriminately, and it doesn't even have the balls to be, like, a drunk driver or a murderer, something I can scream at , get mad at. So here I am, almost a decade without a Mum getting angry at cancer is easier to deal with than the big empty hole her absence has left F**K YOU CANCER!!!

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17 Comments

  • White Dog White Dog 6th Mar 2013 at 9:23am
    Well said. From experience, cancer doesn't discriminate, but I have read that anger against cancer is good - it stimulates anti-cancer white blood cells. I have not lost anyone to cancer myself but I am a cancer survivor, definitly not a victim.

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  • Beautiful Disaster Beautiful Disaster 6th Mar 2013 at 9:34am
    I just felt really angry with it thi smorning after dreaming about my mum, I try not to think of the loss, but today its at the front of my brain, just wanted to rant, really wanted to swear my head off but have to respect others in here . It took my Mum , my Grandad and a man who was more of a dad to me than my own in a short space of time. My eldest daughter ha a bad way of dealing with it, she lives with fear that she will die of it as it is on both sides of my family. Its hard to tell her it wont when so many friends around us in the area are getting it too.
    We know of four funerals this year of women who haven't even made it to 60 so I can see where her fear stems from. How can you realistically tell someone don't worry you will never get it when it creeps up on all walks of life and like you say has no discrimination ...Well done for fighting that beast and winning . You clearly have things left to do in this world .x

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  • Waiting for a life Waiting for a life 6th Mar 2013 at 9:36am
    I am waiting for cancer to consume my Father - I hear this anger and pain. Beautiful maybe it is time to let go of it - beauty should prevail over hatred always and as you are such a free spirit (much as I can imagine your Mum was) you have the wisdom to stomp on it. x

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  • Beautiful Disaster Beautiful Disaster 6th Mar 2013 at 9:42am
    I a,m ready for it , Sleeves up , fists up with a snarl on my face, reckon it will run a mile from me. I don't fear it, I am very relaxed about death , it hurts yes, but my mum did a fantastic job of making us let her go , she took every picture of herself she could find and got rid of them , left a note in the drawer where they used to be telling us she is gone and we HAVE to get on with it ....She owned her own death and told us it wasn't ours so what we were felling couldn't affect what she felt..such a strong women , and I love her for that . I don't fear death , and I have cheated it and battled through near death a few times. Got left for dead twice during my street life times, and I am still here , that big man up there aint ready for my ass yet , he knows I have so much more work left to do x

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  • Beautiful Disaster Beautiful Disaster 6th Mar 2013 at 9:44am
    By the way WFAL there is a lady in the next box called waiting for a life I would like you to go and give her some advice , she is helping a neighbour who has nobody else even though she seriously dislikes her, but she refuses to see how kind and caring she is ...will you go and have a word x

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  • Waiting for a life Waiting for a life 6th Mar 2013 at 9:48am
    You are a pain in the ......
    I think your family sound extraordinary and amazingly strong. You must use this site to scream and shout - that's the whole point of us being here. I have today - come on get it out. x

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  • borderlinegoingcrazy borderlinegoingcrazy 6th Mar 2013 at 10:04am
    I have been lucky and have not had any major issues with cancer directly. So I can only empathise with you and send you my love.
    You are obviously an amazing person who has survived an extremely horrid way of life, and not only survived it, but come out of it as a very wise and caring person. I am in awe.
    So like waiting said, scream it all out, if you can't do it here, then god help the neighbours ;) x

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  • Beautiful Disaster Beautiful Disaster 6th Mar 2013 at 10:09am
    Don't be in awe BLGC they say it takes one to know one x

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  • pen name pen name 6th Mar 2013 at 10:58am
    I lost one of my closest friends from university last week to cancer.

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  • pen name pen name 6th Mar 2013 at 10:59am
    He was only 27.

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  • Beautiful Disaster Beautiful Disaster 6th Mar 2013 at 11:23am
    Wow see , what I mean that is no age at all :-( feel for you Pen Name x

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  • Lammy Lammy 6th Mar 2013 at 3:32pm
    I wish i could just keep clicking the 'send love' button for this post!

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  • LazyDays LazyDays 6th Mar 2013 at 4:07pm
    You're certainly your Mother's daughter when it comes to dishing out wisdom...part of your Mother lives on!!xxx

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  • Beautiful Disaster Beautiful Disaster 6th Mar 2013 at 9:05pm
    Thankyou LD that makes me feel special , I am very like her to look at too x

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  • LazyDays LazyDays 6th Mar 2013 at 9:07pm
    From what I've read on your journal, and your comments on other people's, perhaps you are!

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  • Beautiful Disaster Beautiful Disaster 6th Mar 2013 at 9:23pm
    Thanks I just say what feel , I hate to see others struggling with things , its not a nice feeling , what makes me smile on this site is we all have the answers for others , but struggle to take our own good advice....x

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  • LazyDays LazyDays 6th Mar 2013 at 9:41pm
    Yes, agreed...although as far as I'm concerned that may be good, whenever I take my own advice things normally get worse!! Its why often I'll just leave a few 'xxx' as a comment to let someone know I've read their Journal and sympathise, or just offer moral support.

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