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Day 116

Choosing Me

I've been reflecting more lately, and I've brought my journal with me to write in over lunch, since I've been neglecting it. I've talked with Honeybun's family and my own, and I've decided I'm not going all-out on everyone for Christmas this year. My two best friends and I have decided in lieu of gifts, we will have a girls' night watching Christmas movies. Honeybun and I will go on a date instead of buying gifts for each other. I'm buying "couples gifts" for each set of parents and Honeybun's siblings. And I will get something small for my Granny, since I'll be seeing her this year. Honeybun is in charge of getting his nephew and grandmother each a gift. All in all, I'll only need to buy 5 gifts this year, and they will all be inexpensive - rather than getting at least 15 expensive things.

I'll then spend on myself and get some much-needed clothes and shoes, since my tiny wardrobe is old, worn, and ill-fitting. It feels selfish. I'm fighting the self-depreciating thoughts and the urge to splurge on everyone else, but I need to choose me for a while until I build myself up again.

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  • a_cat_named_Nina a_cat_named_Nina
    5 months ago

    Things about Christmas work a little differently here in Brazil, but I can kind of understand your situation. We are not very traditional at exchanging gifts with each other, but one thing that is taken seriously is the atmosphere of love and unity that takes over everyone. Something happens that makes everyone more willing to take care of the other, I think it has to do with the Christmas spirit. Leaving the clichés aside, I appreciate what you are doing. Failing to buy more expensive things to buy things you need is totally understandable, and more, is a way to take a little more care of yourself. Come on? I bet Santa also gives some gifts to himself.

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  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    5 months ago

    Otter, I'm really impressed by the thought you've put into his, and the creative ways you found to approach it. Take this energy and carry it forward with you to other pursuits: there is an art to living.....

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  • runcicle runcicle
    5 months ago

    It's the self-deprecating thoughts that are selfish.

    The urge to splurge is not being generous; it's a selfish wish to buy affection, so stopping that is a good start; and an excellent way to feel good about yourself in January.

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