I've been reflecting more lately, and I've brought my journal with me to write in over lunch, since I've been neglecting it. I've talked with Honeybun's family and my own, and I've decided I'm not going all-out on everyone for Christmas this year. My two best friends and I have decided in lieu of gifts, we will have a girls' night watching Christmas movies. Honeybun and I will go on a date instead of buying gifts for each other. I'm buying "couples gifts" for each set of parents and Honeybun's siblings. And I will get something small for my Granny, since I'll be seeing her this year. Honeybun is in charge of getting his nephew and grandmother each a gift. All in all, I'll only need to buy 5 gifts this year, and they will all be inexpensive - rather than getting at least 15 expensive things.
I'll then spend on myself and get some much-needed clothes and shoes, since my tiny wardrobe is old, worn, and ill-fitting. It feels selfish. I'm fighting the self-depreciating thoughts and the urge to splurge on everyone else, but I need to choose me for a while until I build myself up again.