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Day 378


At about three this morning Beloved was in a gyration of pain, like a puppet on a chain, twisting and groaning: he had bad cramp " first in his inner thigh and then in his back. As though he were on his own personal torture rack. He made a great noise about it. I kept asking him to be quiet, imagining the children imagining us having rampant sex. He tells me it’s like the cramps we have when we have babies " bloody sore. Okay, okay. And at last they pass and he falls into bed exhausted and asleep.

Saw my ‘boyfriend’ (the nickname Beloved and I have given him) at the gym. Had another interesting chat. He’s been in the parachute regiment but does not agree with the Combined Cadet Force. He thinks it morally wrong that the army should be operating a recruitment policy in schools, because that’s what it is " giving children of 13 guns and letting them run around in the night playing at being soldiers. It misses the point that the army is a killing machine. Before joining the army every recruit should be aware of what could happen to them: death, amputation, trauma. Agreed.

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