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Day 754

Dad

A glorious day, rich in autumn sunlight, golden leaves, veiled mists. It was beautiful. I was out with my cycling friends. We cycled 42 miles to the seaside and back. I saw an old man as we went. Suddenly and out of nowhere I was overwhelmed by grief. Soon I was gulping back gasps of pain and sadness, tears streamed down my cheeks, my throat was tight and my chest heaving. I couldn’t believe it. Soon we would be at the halfway point and I must stop this, somehow. I didn’t know these kind people. I couldn’t cry in front of them. Every time I thought I had pulled myself together it started again. I couldn’t get Dad out of my head, his great love, our whole past, my childhood, all the wonderful perfect memories of being together, knowing it was all gone forever. We arrived, just as a small cry escaped me. I squeezed the tears from my pink eyes and let everyone go before me. I made for the loo and tidied myself up. I put on a smile and had a cup of tea. All was well again. Dad was tucked away deep in my heart.

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