Days when I only want to see black
Some days I'm terrified of death, what with all that is going on, maybe I could end up dead.
Other days it doesn't phase me, just like when I was planning to take my life. It was this time last year, is that a coincidence?
Some days, days like this, I think about what I would miss if I died.
Sleeping in the sun
Looking at flowers
My mum and dad and Nana
Riding my bike
Iced zoo biscuits
But with all that in mind, I still wouldn't mind dying, right now. I'm a burden to everyone in my life, I have nothing to give. I don't have a path I can see any more.
So what if it's disrespectful? So what if it's not mindful? So what?!
Don't have a go at me for not seeing the bigger picture - I'm not DESIGNED to see the bigger picture. My brain literally CAN'T.
What else am I supposed to do?
I'm just confused and scared and lost and alone.
I am trying so hard to stay strong and look on the bright side and keep smiling and be normal and live but it's so hard on days like this. Days when I only want to see black.