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Day 29

Feeling distant from the Ex-Maybe-Ex

So the Ex-Maybe-Ex texts me and asks if I want to go see a movie today - it's pouring outside, so we meet up, have a nice walk afterwards, and then dinner. We talk about what we've been up to, friends we have in common, and it's all light and friendly.While we're walking to the bus station, she asks if I have been seeing anyone. I tell her it's too soon, and I don't even know where we are, so how can I move on?

She remarks that I seem distant - and she's right, but I don't know why I feel that way. As is typical, I struggle for an explanation, and I attempt to say that I feel like we're in the "in between" - not in a relationship and not out of it, and I don't know how to feel. So we talk and hug and kiss, and we say we love one another and go our separate ways.

I realize that I still feel wounded by what happened a month ago, the "diner blowout." I can't get past the way she wounded me over and over again, and the feeling that she'll never accept me. No acceptance....

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