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Day 2

Flowers

I just realized the only way anyone will ever give me flowers is on my funeral. Now I have to content myself with just looking. Thoughts and prayers and love... the dead have them in spades. And silence too. Blessed silence from a world so goddamn noisy. Many times I wish I was dead, then I think maybe I'm just tired. But since I've been tired for over a year I'm probably clinically depressed. I don't want to see a shrink. I want to get out of here.

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  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    9 days ago

    Why don't you want to see a shrink? The key is not to see "a" shrink, but to find the "right" one..... it won't be instant, but it will help you little by little....

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  • runcicle runcicle
    9 days ago

    Please speak to someone; doctor, dentist, church - any church.

    Go to your nearest cafe; look for the oldest person - the older and poorer the better - go and ask if you can buy them a coffee and a cake.

    As soon as you can summon up the courage.

    Please.

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  • Delonix Regia Delonix Regia
    9 days ago

    Thank you for commenting. I don't trust psychiatrists too much, because of what happened to a good friend of mine who had one misdiagnosis after another, going from one shrink to the next. I'm afraid that if I see one, by the time I realize he/she isn't the "right" doctor for me, my brain would be fried from all the drugs I've been given. Also I'm nowhere near the city so it's not like I have a lot to choose from.

    Coffee and cake. I'll try that. Thanks.

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  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    8 days ago

    I don't go to a psychiatrist (all they do these days is push drugs on you.) I've been seeing a LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) for 15 years, and it's really helped. Sometimes, you just need to talk things out with someone, rather than get drugged....

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