This massive guilt about my poor mother is the first thing that hits me every morning. I carry my guilt about with me all day, hunched on my shoulders. If I’m happy I suddenly remember, and I know I shouldn’t be. We still haven’t told Ma of the terrible plan to move her to a home. I have agreed with James and Teddy that we will talk to her on February 17th. She will move in the middle of March. I am seeing the deputy manager of the home on Thursday morning to discuss in more detail what needs to be done. I am appalled by myself. The great betrayal of my beautiful, long-suffering mother. I will make her suffer more and she will decline. She has been so brave and weathered so much just living with us. I am now asking her to endure yet more and on her own. I will visit her, but most of the time she will be alone.
Teddy said he would bring her to his home once a month. Amazing. This made me feel much better. James was more reluctant to commit to this. Shame on him, for his mother, once a month.