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Day 47

Hockey or sex?

Have you ever shut off a hockey game at the beginning of a shoot-out to have sex?

Don’t ever do that.

Remember The Coward? He’s still a coward, but apparently doesn’t mind being used for his body. I thought a little vengeance sex would help with the whole moving on thing. Not so much. It was surprisingly good, but it doesn’t change anything. I miss him, in spite of everything. Plus now I realize that his little meaningless fling with a friend has nothing to do with me. He’s broken and lost... and I totally get the need to feel something, anything. To have someone touch you, and to block everything else out for a little while.

The bottom line is I still love him, I still feel that we didn’t find each other by accident. I fell hopelessly in love with him for a reason. I have no idea what’s going through his head. I have no idea if I was ever as important to him as I thought I was. I have no idea if he still misses me. I have no idea what’s going to happen.

But I know that a hockey shoot-out is better than sex.

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