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Day 4

Hope in a Sea of Fear

Got a text from Dad this morning. Mom has decided she’s okay with us coming for Christmas after all. Maybe there is hope.

I’ve always been so close with them because I was a homeschooled only child. I saw them as the people I could trust most growing up. Dancing in the kitchen together, singing in the car, family movie-nights, and dinner together every evening.

My mother fought with me when I left for college and wanted to spend more time with friends. She cried that I wasn’t spending enough time with her when I started dating Boyfriend - even though I lived with her and Dad after college. I feel like she doesn’t want me to grow - she wants to “protect” me and keep me on a shining pedestal at home - unchanging and untouched. I’ve tried to comfort her. I’d take her for Mom/Daughter outings and dinners, but it’s never enough. She says I’ve changed, and she’s doesn’t know who I am any more.

I don’t know either, because I’m finally trying to find out who I want to be, rather that who she wants me to be.

Christmas scares me now. I don’t know how she’ll react.

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