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Day 45

I'm unaffected by my mother's apology in my birthday card.

If you have an LGBTq child that you've essentially been a complete bigot to, don't apologize in their birthday card for your inappropriate behavior. THAT only ruins their birthday.

Saying, "Can we put our disagreeable feelings behind us" is not something that will work well after 17yrs of being embarrassed of your child. How long does a mother need to "I'm sorry for not understanding or recognizing your pain"?

It's really simple. If your child is gay, get over it and accept them exactly as they are as soon as you find out. Do not let them live a decade or more before you honestly address your feelings with them. Your child will not be waiting with open arms after this long.

Instead, I have built up my OWN embarrassment of my parents that could not get over their own child's sexuality. They have been nothing but cowardly, selfish, awkward and unaccepting since day one to their son.

It's too late. Besides, it's not really an apology. It's completely another toxic "Please accept my apology for being me and understand that I will never change. I will just pretend to accept you."

NOPE. Have a nice life.

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  • Tammie Tammie
    6 weeks ago

    I can't understand why parents can't accept their own children after them coming out. They are still the same person, nothings change except that they have told house their gay. I mean what's the big deal? I'm sorry, I went on a bit of a rant there. But you don't need people like this in your life hun. Xxx

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  • SpreadZero SpreadZero
    6 weeks ago

    Thank you Tammie. You are absolutely correct. I have given my family TOO MANY chances to redeem themselves. How about a simple picture of a bumper sticker that says, "I love my gay son"?

    NOPE. Both parents would never out of fear of what others might say.

    SHAME ON THEM. COWARDLY PARENTS. I'M ASHAMED OF MY PARENTS FOR BEING SO WEAK WITH SOCIETAL NORMS,

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  • George Smith George Smith
    6 weeks ago

    Is it society or their religion? I guess their religion will take them in the direction of a very prescriptive social set. Their religion has been the crutch by which they have faced their own demons in the past and they have clung to it as a salvation and hope for the future. You have challenged their life long and unquestioned belief system. It isn't right and you have suffered deeply as a result but if you can help them to see the light, to understand that they were wrong, surely that is a step forward? I know you are in pain and angry ...

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  • SpreadZero SpreadZero
    5 weeks ago

    Then they can spend the holidays with their religion. I want nothing to do with humans that put a religious text before other humans, no matter how they interpret the "fictional" stories within.

    NOBODY is required to have religion. It is a belief system, a personal value that to this day has not one shred of evidence of fact. I realize that I am considered less than human for being gay and Atheist. But clearly, I don't fit in with humans. Therefor, the opinions of others matter little to me.

    Society is to blame for brain-washing the young minds of children to believe in something that will later handicap their lives. We all know the bible was written by the elite to control the masses. The bible is the only reason people aren't killing each other in the streets for probably behavior that is rightly deserved.

    Please try to point out ONE table at the Sunday after church breakfast restaurant where people are acting as the bible teaches them to. The odds are that none of them are. I have experienced this time and time again, and the religious are the most righteous, entitled, misbehaved and hypocritical group of individuals I've ever met in my entire life.

    The first word that comes to my mind after servicing a church crowd of people is "evil" behavior. The meanest of the meanest is what I have witnessed, almost always.

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  • George Smith George Smith
    5 weeks ago

    SpreadZero, have you ever considered if there is a possibility that one of your parents might be gay? After all it is in your DNA - it's genetic... what do you think? My husband stayed with a family in America when he was 21. The father of the family was aggressively gay outside the house but inside the house he was aggressively anti gay. He kept on hitting on my not yet husband and told him that if he dared to let on that he was gay to anyone in his family he would kill him. He meant it.
    Have you seen the film American Beauty? It's all about sex and why people behave the way they do. ... it might be worth having a look... it illustrates the point I've just made eloquently. It's a profound and gripping film whatever you take or don't take from it.

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  • SpreadZero SpreadZero
    5 weeks ago

    I saw the movie and remember the scenes. No, definitely not the case for my family. I'm not sure if you have visited with many LGBTQ crowds, but we don't spend too much time talking about fishing, hunting and aluminum can beer drinking. And, those are the extents of my father's and uncles and cousin's conversations my entire life. They are always simple conversations almost meant for an 8yr old to understand, and they unfortunately are beyond dull to me.

    My dad yelled at my mother one time when they caught me playing with some stupid doll as a child. Apparently, it embarrassed him while around his many siblings and cousins, most likely while drinking beer standing in a half-circle putting everyone else down, even children.

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  • George Smith George Smith
    5 weeks ago

    Hmmmm.... I wonder if we are talking about the same film. I don't remember the guy in question having a single conversation with anyone - he was a recluse, afraid he would be discovered to be what he feared most. ... but I watched it a while ago so maybe I have forgotten those conversations. It has nothing to do with the point I was making.

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  • SpreadZero SpreadZero
    5 weeks ago

    Yes, eventually towards the end of the movie the retired military guy finally accepts who he is and was trying to convince Kevin Spacey to get sexual with him. I remember it well. He tried to kiss him in the pouring rain with the garage door open.

    No seriously, I wish that were it. It would help me if someone in my family were in the closet so badly.

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  • George Smith George Smith
    5 weeks ago

    Yes, that's it. He misread Kevin Spacey... got him so wrong he had to kill him and then himself... he never accepted himself. What a mess.... so you didn't think much of the film?
    Anyway, I'm sorry that doesn't fit your family because, as you say, I just thought that might be helpful. I'm really sorry your parents have been so bad to you. I wish there were a way out of this. x

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  • Lammy Lammy
    5 weeks ago

    I'm so sorry that they feel this way towards your sexuality.
    A very dear friend of my hates himself because of his sexuality and it's because of the world he's grown up in and their views of it.
    I hope for a world where people don't have to explain why they love or are attracted to someone of the same gender but I guess we're not there yet.
    I may be speaking out of term here but it seems she wants you to accept her apology to make her feel better, not you.
    As hard as it may be maybe you're better off without people the view you in this way? Even if those people are family?
    Lots of love to you xx

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  • SpreadZero SpreadZero
    5 weeks ago

    Lammy and George thank you so much for your comments. It helps to hear others confirm how crazy it really sounds. Yes, my mother is all about everyone putting her first in terms of making sure she's happy and not stressed. I haven't been happy since I was 7yrs old when I heard my entire extended family tell the television news that "They should line up all those faggots and kill 'em dead!"

    Things have been quite difficult since then.

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  • SpreadZero SpreadZero
    5 weeks ago

    Lammy, please tell your dear friend that he is not alone. Nobody would CHOOSE this lifestyle. Nobody would CHOOSE to be treated like less than human. Nobody would CHOOSE to be forced to ask permission from others to be what we are. How crazy is that?! Tell him to be who he is, and tell him to prepare for battle. If you can defend yourself and knock these mouthy schmucks in the head, you'll be fine. They are all ignorant pathetic parasitic hateful trolls.

    What homophobes don't understand is that I have almost 50yrs of anger built up inside me. The person that gets physical with me in a fight, will probably go home pretty bloody from all my anger throughout the years. I have been treated POORLY all my life.

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  • Lammy Lammy
    5 weeks ago

    You sound so much my friend. He is a truly fantastic person and far better most. It saddens me that you both seem to have faced similar issues purely because of your sexuality. He's older than me and has looked after me and always made sure I'm safe and happy. I only wish I could repay him the favour!

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  • SpreadZero SpreadZero
    5 weeks ago

    Gay people want to be accepted, period. If you attend a Gay Pride and post pics on Facebook for him to see, he will LOVE you. XO

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