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Day 18

It comes in waves

I had a great day. Went to rehearsal, had a great time with some wonderful dancers, ate some great food, went wine tasting with friends, and was curled up on the couch in my jammies by 7, totally content.

Then it hits me out of nowhere. Grief. Rejection. Pain.

Just a couple weeks ago he was professing his love and telling me how important I was to him... and now it’s I want to be friends and start over, a couple benign texts once in a while and can I call you later with no call, nothing for days.

To go from feeling so important to someone you love to feeling so insignificant is crushing. To let him in and trust him with my heart only to have him treat it so poorly is devastating.

I cry a little.

Then the wave goes away. Logic comes back. This is for the best. I disagree with how he’s treating himself, and I deserve to be treated better than he’s been treating me. So letting go is the right thing to do. I should return his Christmas present.

Maybe he’ll hit his bottom, get his crap together, and we could start over someday.

Hide Comments (4)

  • ilostmyheart ilostmyheart
    9 months ago

    I admire how you can manage your emotions and think logically about your situation, having a somehow optimistic view of the future. It's beautiful to see strength and resilience like that. 😊

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  • miranda_b miranda_b
    9 months ago

    Thank you. I struggle every day but try to focus on the good things in my life. I can’t help but dwell in misery once in a while though. I’m hoping those episodes become fewer and farther between. At this point I’ll consider a day without tears a victory. Still waiting.

    Advice Rating:

  • ilostmyheart ilostmyheart
    9 months ago

    I understand. I feel nothing these days, emptiness. But it is an improvement from feeling so pained. I hope you feel better soon and find the light in the dark.

    Advice Rating:

  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    8 months ago

    I agree - go on with your life; maybe he's get better and return to you, but I wouldn't pin my hopes on it. Life goes on, and we have no choices. Grieve you must, but move onward....

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