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Day 80

It's My Birthday, and I Wish I Didn't Exist

Honeybun has much weighing on his mind and heart lately, and I feel I've somehow been making it worse. He says that's not the case, but lately it seems like he'd go out of his way to help anyone else, but won't do anything sweet for me. It came to a head on Sunday. The night before I'd asked if he'd go to breakfast with me and my parents at 7:30 AM. The restaurant is right around the corner - not 5 minutes away from us. He said he wanted to go. Then, that morning, he said it was too early and he had work later. I felt hurt, but swallowed it and went to breakfast alone. Later that evening I mentioned that I felt a bit hurt, because two weeks ago he had no problem getting up at 7 and driving half an hour to his parents place to work on Bear's car before work. I shouldn't have mentioned it. It was selfish of me, and it hurt him, and now we're both hurt. I'm at work, I'm in tears, and instead of feeling special for my birthday, I feel like an obligation/burden.

I wish my birthday didn't exist.

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  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    3 weeks ago

    Maybe you should try a "do over" for your birthday? Celebrate it another day when you two are on better terms? That's really crummy....

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  • Otter Otter
    3 weeks ago

    Not a bad idea, but I think it'd be better to just let my birthday pass this year. Honeybun hasn't really tried to do or plan anything for it because he's been angry at the entire world lately. If I suggested a re-do, it may come across as more stressful to him. :( At least, until he is able to find some psychological help with his current storm of depression...

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  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    3 weeks ago

    Then you should do something for yourself for this birthday - alone. If you feel like celebrating, celebrate. I'm going a different direction for mine... (see my post....)

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