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Day 757

My 16 year old son and 87 year old mother

All day I spent in the shadow of sorrow. I am sad about last night. Apple came home last night at 1am Beloved said. He threw his bike on the floor, got the key from the safe box and opened the kitchen door. He left it open and went to bed. I had my ear plugs in so didn’t hear anything. Beloved has a cracked rib from his fall. When Apple came home this evening he said nothing and went straight to his room. He didn’t join us for supper. He’s gone to bed. When he did speak he said it was our fault.

Also, Ma has told me that she is frightened of being alone. She said she doesn’t want to be alone watching TV. She is confused and afraid of everything she sees on it, even though I’m just here in the kitchen. She cannot separate herself from what she sees. I was going to see N in London tomorrow but I immediately cancelled. I can’t leave Ma alone. I need to find a carer. Beloved tells me he does not want carers in the house. He does not want our home turned into a nursing home.

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