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Day 109

My Old Demon Back Again

I haven't eaten in 48 hours. It's stupid, it's dangerous, and I wish I could stop. I feel guilty about it. We're dealing with enough already without me having a meltdown too. But when I think about food, those thoughts come back again.

"You don't need it." "Use the money towards something else." "You can last for a bit longer." "You could stand to lose a couple of pounds anyway." "It's more important that your loved ones have what they need instead."

Trying to eat makes me feel guilty. Dirty. Fat. Selfish. I don't need it. Use the money for something else.

Honeybun is worried sick again. Trying to make me see, make me eat. I love that he's trying, but every bite I try to take makes me want to cry. I tell him it's okay - The thoughts will go away again eventually - they always do.

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