No chance. No way. I won't say it.
If you're of a certain generation, you've probably seen Disney's Hercules. Meg sings, "If there's a prize for rotten judgement/Guess I've already won that/No man is worth the aggravation/That's ancient history been there, done that." The Muses then proceed to point out that actually she's in denial about her feelings. It's a sentiment that's appropo for the current situation. I can't stop smiling. I sing outloud on public transport. I doodle hearts on notepads when I'm supposed to be writing. I'm a happy big, fat mess. J came round Saturday. After a very enjoyable bed session, we ordered takeout & cracked open a beer. We sat on my stoop talking, smoking, drinking. The odd kiss. More talking. He said things about me that totally knocked me sideways. Good, kind, wonderful things. At sunrise, we went to bed. The next day I thought he'd disappear early. Instead we sat in the garden, finishing the chinese. We went to a mutual friend's gig & I met some of J's housemates. As I was leaving, he kissed me. In public. We've both been shy up to now. I can't wipe the goofy smile off my face.