Over-apologizing and the pound of flesh
We were in a diner having a meal when soon-to-be-ex once again brought up something that I "did" to her to make her feel bad. It was a while ago, but she felt the need to litigate that issue once more, for the umpteenth time, because ultimately, she has an complete inability to forgive and will never forget.
Good relationships are based on selective amnesia.
So I hear myself say the following:
"I apologize for that. I have apologized for that in the past, I apologize for it now, and I will continue to apologize for it in the future."
and it makes my blood boil, because those words are so ridiculous. Just how much can one apologize and never receive forgiveness or put the past behind.
I know she knows nothing of William Faulkner, but I remember his saying: "The past is never over; hell, it's not even past."
And so we lumber along; I'm going to see her on Friday night and she's been pretty well behaved, but I know she's got the shivs on call to jab them into my side and strike a blow against me.
Because she wants more than apologies: she wants a pound of flesh. Nothing less will do.