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Day 355

Private Thoughts....

Yes, I know social media is how we all keep tabs on our different relationships, but when I date, I prefer to keep it all on the down low. That is, I have my "online presence" and whomever I happen to be dating/in a relationship has her own.

New-Ex insisted on being a "friend" on Facebook, and it never went well. We did post some nice photos of one another to share with our friends, but it also became her tool to keep tabs on me. If I posted something and a woman responded whom she didn't know, an interrogation was sure to follow. "How do you know her?" "When was the last time your saw her?" "Are you still interested in her?" "Why did you respond to her post?"

But it was all part of her fear and insecurity, which I think is rooted in the fact that her father had affairs which he kept hidden from the family until after he passed away. So she transferred this behavior to me.

Bubbles is much more easy going about this; she hasn't insisted on "friending" me on Facebook, and even if she did, I don't think it would bother me.

And you? Tell me!

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  • tocommentornot tocommentornot
    12 months ago

    Rav, I have read your diary for a really long time. Is that odd? Probably, but it's a form of escapism, to read the mundane of others lives. Since your initial forays into the online dating scene, then meeting Charmante and the ensuing relationship, then you disappeared for awhile, and now you're back! (I hadn't realised CongenitalWriter was you until you mentioned it). Anyway, your current bitterness towards Charmante has made me a bit sad - I'm not sure how to put it into words. When you used to speak about her during your relationship, it was all so happy and positive and seemed to focus so much on her good side. There was the occasional mention of her dysfunctional relationship with her children, but it didn't seem like a deal breaker. And now it's all about her insecurities, negatives, bad traits. I know you broke up for a reason, and her negatives ended up outweighing her positives, but is it not better to look back on past relationships and people with respect and a positive attitude? You compare Bubbles to her as though they're opposites, Bubbles is all happiness and easygoing, while Charmante is everything bad. Do you not think that if things end with Bubbles, the same will happen and she will become 'bad' and the new partner will be 'good'? Sorry if this seems accusatory, it's not meant to be, and I'm awfully glad you're back. I'm just trying to put into words a really vague feeling I have. All the best, and I think I'll stick to lurking in the future, haha.

  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    12 months ago

    I think the thing you should know about places like Pencourage is that it's a place where I work out my shit, to justify tough decisions I made in the past (and occasionally to just yuck it up.) Yeah, Charmante had many, many wonderful qualities, and I was deeply and passionately in love with her, and she with me. But here's the thing I learned: you need more than romance to sustain a relationship. Sure, Charmante (NewEx) was many types of awesomeness, but I also recognize how I got swept away by how much she was different from previous relationships, and maybe I was different than all her previous relationships. But that recognition of the differences also masked our fundamental incompatibility. And what I write about here is only meant to help ME get past it, because leaving her was traumatic, but, as I know now, was the best thing for both of us. So feel free to comment; just understand that I am fully cognizant of my own hypocrisy and inconsistency.

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  • Tammie Tammie
    12 months ago

    My ex would question me about any male friends i had on my fb pg, except for his close family. V and I have kept our fb pgs to ourselves. He doesn't use fb very much and we are both happy to keep our distance that way. I dont understand why people feel the need to question their partners over fb.

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