Saudade, 'the love that remains'
It's been a while since I've felt like I missed him, the ex. I managed to get past it for a little while... but today, out of nowhere, I miss him more than I can even put into words. I guess I'm not as over him as I was beginning to believe. I rarely give him a second though since he's moved on and away. I try to look forward instead of back but today... today I can't and I can't even pinpoint why. I miss him, not necessarily as a partner but as a friend and confidante. I miss him as my person. He doesn't want anything to do with me now though.
All those promises of remaining friends no matter what. It was all lies and that's what hurts the most. I know he's ignoring me, he wants nothing to do with me and I know I shouldn't let him hurt me anymore but his silence, his ignorance, it hurts.
It's not even that I've contacted him recently for anything, it's more that I know he deliberately ignored my last message and removed me from every app and lied about it. He's a coward but I still love him.