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Day 115

Self destruction

On FB today. All of the Mothers Day love expressed. I posted a photo of myself and my mum, said how I owed her everything and that I was proud to be hers. I welled up and sobbed that I am not a mother. I have nothing. I actually may never be a mother because I have left my husband. I am getting divorced. I walk away with nothing.

UG's wife posted that she'd had a lovely day, breakfast in bed, a roast dinner, spent the day with her favourite people.

All thanks to her wonderful husband.

For the first time ever I felt crushed regarding him. My stomach lurched when I read it. Out of jealousy and hurt.

What the hell is happening to me? I could have screamed. I could have wailed.

Why am I determined to press the self destruct button when I could be about to embark on something amazing with S? Who is real and genuine and who I could have a proper relationship with! Why am I risking that for something that isn't and never will be real?

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  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    62 months ago

    Because what we all want what we can't have....

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