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Day 80

Shock

Someone visited him and posted a very nice pic of them and him, and my replacement. All the likes and loves and complements about how great he looks and happy he looks and blah blah. He’s grown his beard back and he looks like he did when he was mine again. You can’t see his whole hand in the pic so you can’t tell if he’s still wearing the ring I got him for his birthday. It hurt to see. But in a detached way. I genuinely understand he’s moved on and our time together was a blip in his damaged memory. The grief is less.

What’s left is shock at my life. It’s just like it was before I met him. How can I have been through so much and have absolutely nothing changed? I was so sure my life was forever altered with him in it. I never contemplated us ever breaking up. He was The One and we’d make it work. But the crash took his memory of me, and the progress he’d made so there’s nothing left to work on. The hole in my life is sealing up and whenever I realize it I’m shocked anew.

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