Nothing wrong with Ma; just her death wish acting itself out. The doctor said she was in better shape than his own mother in her sixties. Just what Ma wanted to hear. But, in a funny way, she did. I don’t believe she really wants to die. She wants to be loved, to feel she belongs, to have a home she can be herself in. That’s all.
I had a nice day with Ma yesterday. I had resolved to love her better. We went to a garden and spent the day in amongst the roses with the sun shining and a gentle breeze.
Today she was very weak. She is very weak every day. It is impressive that she keeps walking around the garden. She says it is very boring. She is unable to make any mental effort that might make life more interesting. She has been reading the same article in The Week for two days. Tonight she was bored with the murder thriller we were watching. She had no idea what was going on. She just noticed that the police drank straight out of a bottle. Didn’t they know what a glass was for?