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Day 218

What the hell is wrong with me?

So, for some time I’ve been giving thought to if I should have a child. I’m 36 and after my divorce 3 years ago I thought I’d never have the option. And then I met D and he’s lovely and sensible and caring and funny and would make a great dad. The problem is I don’t know if I want a child. I have no maternal yearnings but worry that in years to come I’ll suddently become broody and regret not having one. Everyone is having babies atm, friends and even D’s sister is pregnant. I can’t bear the thought of being around pregnant women because I think ‘that should be me’ but at the same time I don’t want my life to change. I can’t make a decision either way. D has said that if we don’t it’s not a problem because he loves me regardless. But at my age people ask, and I don’t have the answer. I know that part of it is shame. I have no marriage. No children. I feel like I’ve achieved nothing with my life. I was hoping one day I’d just wake up and I’d know. But I don’t.

  • 206 Readers       4 Comments      

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  • George Smith George Smith
    4 months ago

    I've been thinking about you. This must be one of the most difficult decisions to make and only you can make it. It can be argued both ways, but only you can work it out for you. Good luck. I'm sorry not to be able to help, but keep writing as that might help you think it through. xx

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  • runcicle runcicle
    4 months ago

    Although it can be accomplished by one person, nurturing a child to adulthood is easier and more satisfying when tackled by two people.

    Make firm foundations first.

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  • Lily Newton Lily Newton
    3 months ago

    Thanks guys, it’s a tricky one! It waxes and wains. I’m like a pendulum waiting for some sort of ‘sign’! Xxx

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  • runcicle runcicle
    3 months ago

    No matter how good life is it changes whether you like it or not; but you have the steering wheel. Ensure that it goes in the direction that you want.

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