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Day 356

Why I Disappeared? It's not just good times....

So, somebody actually remembers the days from long past (3 years ago) when I started posting on Pencourage, and yes, I did disappear.

So why? Was I in a continual state of bliss?

The reality is that through some bizarre set of circumstances, Charmante found this diary, and boy, did it piss her off. What I don't understand is this: I wrote all sorts of wonderful things about her and just because there were a few posts about my toking and wanking habits, she clobbered me over the head.

So I apologized and apologized, but she never forgave me. Whenever she was in a mood to start a fight, she would bring up the journal, even when I stopped posting in it 6 months, even a year afterwards. I told her I was sorry it hurt her, but no amount of apologizing would result in unconditional forgiveness. Whenever she felt angry or insecure, she would bring up this diary, and even though I deleted many entries that upset her and only left in the nice ones about her, she continued to stab me with it over and over again.

And I couldn't forgive her for never forgiving me, although I would if she had.

  • 136 Readers       3 Comments      

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  • G4Georgia G4Georgia
    12 months ago

    No one ever really knows what is in someone else’s head. They only know either what we care to share, or what they THINK they know. We are genetically made like that for a very good reason. Taking off the mask we show the world would mean ripping off our entire skin. So don’t feel bad. If she couldn’t cope with the real you, it’s a measure of her own insecurities, nothing else.

  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    12 months ago

    Thanks G4G; this is something I've been re-hashing over and over again since we broke up 3 months ago. It's always been about her image of how she would like me to be and who I am...

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  • Tammie Tammie
    12 months ago

    I remember your post from before Rav. And had honestly thought that things were going well with Charmante. And i had made the link with your other journal too. But you seem happier now, and whats more, people shouldnt snoop if they are going to get offended by what is said about them. Xx

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